Conditions for Good Sex

Draw a triangle on a piece of paper. Label each corner the following:

1. Psychological Arousal

2. Physical Touch

3. Being in the moment

Make yourself a cup of tea, settle in and get curious toward yourself and your sexual experiences. When considering each point of this triangle, recall your:

1. Best three sexual experiences with another person

2. Worst three sexual experiences with another person

3. Three experiences you’ve never had, but you want to have.

Start filling in the elements of your Best, Worst, and Want to Have sexual experiences in each corner of the triangle: Psychological Arousal, Physical Touch, Being in the Moment.

For Psychological Arousal - think along the lines of trust, safety, power dynamics, talking, attraction, passion, props, sensuality, the role you take, contexts you find erotic. This part of the triangle is if a sexual situation matches up to what you would describe as a maximum erotic fantasy.

For Physical Touch - think along the lines how what types of physical stimulation make your body feel good? Speed, location, body part, fabrics, restraint, penetration and where?

For Being In The Moment: Think about how “in the moment” you were when it comes to your Best, Worst, and Want to Have scenarios. There’s a continuum here of being totally distracted versus completely in the moment. The goal here is to understand what circumstances allowed you to be closer to the “in the moment” side of the continuum.

Example triangle pictured below.

Share with your partner!

After taking some time to fill out our own triangle, compare notes with your partner. What did you not know about them before? Is anything surprising you? What in your triangles lines up with each other? How can you build in more of the elements both of you want to increase pleasure?